Surviving COVID-19 with Children
Many of us are struggling with how to manage COVID 19 with children. We as adults are struggling to comprehend what is going on and having trouble adjusting to our “new normal.” I know in my house we are struggling. Our routine, which I personally thrive on, is gone. We have been working for about a month on adapting to a new normal. And with an infant and a toddler, it has been a challenge. I have found that adding in ways to cope with this new normal has significantly reduced the reactivity and stress levels in our home. These ways of coping include physical activities and mental activities.
During this time, many of us have a very short fuse. We are stretched thin and assuming new roles we never thought we would (hello pseudo preschool teacher here). With this fact, we are often quick to anger. This may look like being short with our children, not slowing down to truly listen to them or screaming at them after repeating the same answer to the same question for the 100th time. Like I mentioned in my previous post LINK POST?, this will most likely happen. And that is okay. Though I wish it were true, we are not perfect and we will make mistakes. After a tough interaction, remember to take some time to calm down and reflect on the interaction. Then take time to sincerely apologize and check in with your child. This is especially important to do as parents, because it is an opportunity to teach your children how to resolve conflict, regulate emotions and apologize when appropriate.
Tips for ways to help your children cope:
Get active- go for walk, put music on and dance, play tag or red light, green light. Get those endorphins going. Also, this may help regulate your child by activating their different senses (auditory, proprioceptive, kinetic). Pay attention to your child’s response to activity, you may need to increase or decrease the intensity and frequency, based on your child. I have a very active child and have found that he does best with intense and frequent activity. I have found having a bounce house has been very helpful.
Schedule time to check in- make sure to check in with your children. Use age appropriate language and try to let them know what is going on.
Schedule time to wind down- Asking children to practice mindfulness is a near impossible feat because they are fully able to neurologically. But we can help them spend intentional time winding down. Doing an art project such as coloring mandalas, activity books or mindlessly doodling. Spending time watching the clouds pass by or a fish swim in a fish tank is another way. Even quietly reading books is a great way to wind down. I do not recommend using the television or tablet as a time to wind down. YES, screen time has increased in our home, but I have tried to use screen time as a “time in” and watch a show with my son, not as time for him to slow his brain down. A great activity for helping your child to wind down is creating a cool down jar. After this jar is created, just shake the jar and have your child watch it until the glitter all settles and repeat a few times.
Connect- Our children are most likely being thrown off from their routine and do not have the mental capacity to understand why. Make sure to connect with their friends, teachers, classmates, grandparents, etc. so that they continue to feel the connection with those in their daily routine. Additionally, take time to connect with your child. Aim to spend intentional time with your child for at least 20-30 minutes a day. This looks like getting to their level, getting rid of distractions (phones, computers, tv)
Show them grace- expect your child to show big feelings and have more struggles. We are certainly experiencing more power struggles and emotions in our home. It is helpful to have a mantra to recite silently when your child is having a hard time. Some helpful mantras may be “S/he is reacting to a situation and is not a bad child” “My job is not to fix this but to help them fix this themselves” “If I am having a hard time, it must be very hard for a 3 year old to manage too”
If you feel that you or your child are not doing well and are having symptoms of anxiety or depression that feel unmanageable, please reach out to a therapist or your pediatrician/primary care doctor. Many therapists and doctors are offering telehealth appointments (through HIPPA approved sites).
I recommend searching Psychology Today or contacting your insurance for therapists in your location and network. Here are some therapists in San Diego, including myself, that are available if you feel you need some assistance:
https://www.westmehrertherapy.com
https://www.heathersherwoodtherapy.com
http://www.kathryndebruin.com/therapists/